Memorandum of Rebuke to Those Following the Letter but not Spirit of the Rules of Fight Club

Posted on June 24, 2026 by Morfindelx

Do not write about Fight Club.

Do not scrapbook, journal, or vision board about your past favorite or future aspirational fights.

Do not doodle what you believe would be sick logos for Fight Club on your Trapper Keeper.

Do not circle days on your calendar containing only the exclamatory text “Fight Club! 10pm!” This is not only divulging, but disrespectful: the preliminaries begin at 8pm, and less-established fighters deserve our encouragement and support.

Do not distribute leaflets advertising Fight Club to pedestrians, nor affix said leaflets to lampposts, telephone poles, windows, bulletin boards—and, pardon our curiosity, but why include Greg’s phone number on tiny strips of paper at the bottom of the leaflets? If an interested party calls Greg, he is prohibited from talking to said party about Fight Club.

We called Greg about this matter, but it went to voicemail, and before you ask, yes, the outgoing message was a promotion for Fight Club.

Needless to say, this is prohibited.

Greg is on thin fucking ice, and he knows it.

Which reminds me.

Do not fax, text or email about Fight Club. To be clear, we believe these are prohibited under the “write” clause, but we are covering our bases for the pedants.

On the subject of bases:

Do not pay to have advertisements for Fight Club displayed on the stadium Jumbotron.

Do not hire biplanes to trail banners asking whether Fight Club will marry you (what does that even mean?!).

Do not signal about Fight Club to the pitcher by pointing one to four fingers in a previously-agreed-upon direction.

Do not signal about Fight Club to the baserunners by means including but not limited to tipping your cap, pulling your earlobes, or rubbing your arms and belly. You look ridiculous, and by extension are sullying what would be the good and well-respected name of Fight Club.

If you are a baserunner, do not steal and relay the opposing team’s signals despite the competitive advantage this may provide—this is in poor taste, or is possibly illegal. Though foundational and hallowed, the rules of baseball are somehow less clear than the rules of Fight Club.

Do not distribute messages about Fight Club via smoke signal or Morse code except in cases of emergency outlined in statute 5.4.1, subsection B.

Do not attempt to circumvent rules pertaining to leaflets and flyers by promoting a show for your band and at that show singing about Fight Club—does Greg really intend to argue that singing is not a subcategory of talking? We saw his band’s show, and in addition to many barely veiled allusions, it did not escape our attention that the set list was an acrostic poem whose key letters spelled “Fight Club.”

We have left Greg a voicemail regarding these many, blatant infractions, and if he weren’t the president’s nephew, he’d already be relegated to a bare knuckle boxing league fighting D-list celebrities for a pittance. And before you contend that a pittance is more than we make fighting in Fight Club, technically, yes, but while “getting that bag” via increasingly outlandish means may highlight the absurdities of capitalism, the bag-getter is still operating within the bounds of a corrupt and amoral system.

Do not search for Fight Club in a web browser except from an incognito window from a device with an active VPN connection.

Do not enter Fight Club into online translation tools.

Do not use Fight Club as an AI prompt, even if the image results are dope as hell. It is the stance of Fight Club that the output of large language models is a hollow facsimile of true human creativity and endeavor.

Do not smile and sigh wistfully about Fight Club in the presence of others—scan the room thoroughly before each wistful sigh; look over both shoulders. Ignorance is no excuse for noncompliance.

Do not think loudly about Fight Club in the presence of a telepath. Imagine the telepath naked; if they blush, you may think about Fight Club only less than this loud.

Keep imagining the telepath naked, quieter and quieter, until they stop blushing.

Possibly, this volume is safe, or they have grown inured to your perversion.

Think something worse—not illegal or immoral—it is the belief of Fight Club that the precogs have been introduced to their nutrient baths and are in the process of calibration, and we aren’t keen to be implicated in your future crimes, so rather than “worse,” we should clarify to think sillier and more outlandish perverse thoughts—

Sorry, we’re getting wrapped around the axle on this statute. I’m not sure why we decided to publish this memorandum stream of consciousness in real time.

Not to belabor the point, but for the safety and secrecy of Fight Club, you must presume every person is a telepath until proven otherwise. We recommend to practice thinking even mundane desires towards your partners and spouses before vocalizing anything aloud. We have uncovered on good authority that your closest confidants are telepaths and potential enemies of Fight Club, thus, it is best to never outwardly express your needs, simply think (and scan for blushes), first quiet, then louder, then louder, then louder (are they blushing?—no? strange…perhaps you are not thinking loud as you imagine…).

As a member in good standing of Fight Club, you should be familiar with acts of sabotage, so really lean-fucking-in to silence as a remedy to any and all problems.

Mentally compile your regrets and grievances. Enumerate reasons despite continuous idyllic surroundings why you shouldn’t be happy, and think them so fucking loud at the walls of your beautiful bedroom that even your pets are put off by your weird energy.

We assure you, eventually, your partner or spouse will notice.

We only hope by then it’s not too late.

To save Fight Club.

for a builder, a banker, an heiress.

Posted on November 4, 2021 by Morfindelx

I am not an alchemist, I am an architect.
I do not create gold.
I design a vault in which one might place gold
and wait

morfindelx · for a builder, a banker, an heiress.

Bukowski’s Lemonade

Posted on July 19, 2014 by Morfindelx

Things that make me feel like a writer, in order of increasing conviction:

0) Not writing
1) Thinking about writing
2) Writing
3) Drinking wine straight from the bottle

Revisionist Poetry

Posted on January 8, 2013 by Morfindelx

One of my ideas before I forgot I had a website (Can someone send the URL? Can’t find it in my bookmarks…) was to post revisions of poems here as well, the idea being that I was going to be posting here so frequently (srsly…URL ne1?), that a lot of posts would need extensive revision. This would help me because I’m usually terrible at revising what I’ve written, and I end up with the same piece of writing in 13 different documents with no dates or records of what I’ve changed, so after reading a few lines I get frustrated, stop writing and watch How I Met Your Mother reruns. Also, I thought it could be fun from a reader’s perspective because everyone can decide which versions they like better and argue about it in the comment threads.

I have a pit in my stomach from using the word “fun” in that last sentence, but it’s too late to turn back now. I’ll catch it in the next revision.

So with that said, I’m going to post this (done!), post a lightly revised version of ‘our quiets,’ and then drop offline for a few weeks, never to be heard from again. Thanks for reading!

Thank You, and Thanks

Posted on November 24, 2012 by Morfindelx

So I want to (slightly-belatedly) thank everybody for reading, liking, commenting, sharing, etc. I haven’t been posting quite as frequently as I was hoping to when I started this site, mostly because I’m lazy, and in the battle between writing and watching How I Met Your Mother reruns, How I Met Your Mother wins like pretty much all of the time. But I have been writing more, and I will take small victories over no victories.

Please feel free to provide feedback if you read something that resonates (and share – I appreciate the shares), or even if you read something you don’t like, let me know why, and after spending a few hours despondent in a dark room with a bottle of Jameson and my Smiths albums, maybe I will emerge from it a better writer. Just kidding about the dark room. I take criticism much better than most dictators and about equally as well as the hitchhiker from There’s Something About Mary.

So in summary, thanks to Cobie Smulders, Jameson whiskey, the Farrelly brothers and Morrissey. And to everyone who has been reading, thanks especially.

And, I hear you: there should be fewer pop culture references than there are short paragraphs in a blog post. That’s a great rule to live by, and I’ve broken that rule, and next time I’ll do better. Thanks again.

Special Sneak Preview of Upcoming Poem Posts

Posted on October 19, 2012 by Morfindelx

Happy Reader(s),

It is your lucky upcoming day(s). Soon, I am going to write poems about:

a) Coded euphemisms for sex disguised as innocuous messages to boyfriends/girlfriends and slipped into high school yearbooks.

b) How we separate ourselves from savage animals by exercising a perverse sense of decency, such as providing death row inmates with last meals or agreeing to international rules on how to wage civil (not intra-country but polite and mannered) war.

c) Writing lists for an audience and how when the author approaches the last few entries, he can pretty much phone it in, because the audience is already committed to reading, and as long as they keep clicking next, his parent company keeps collecting ad revenue*. Example:

COSMO’S TOP 7 SEX POSITIONS TO TRY

1)   Bodhidharma’s Tin Staff Supplication
2)   Upright Triangle No Quarter Levee Breaker
3)   All those
4)   other positions
5)   you already
6)   know about –
7)   whatever.

Or:

GOOD FOR YOU FOODS TO EAT

1)   Avocados
2)   Kale
3)   Blueberries
4)   Blueberries
5)   Blueberries
6)   Blueberries
7)   Blueberries
8)   Kale

These are going to be some very good poems – the early reviews are overwhelmingly positive and imaginary, so the sky is the limit for us; we are unfettered by anything having already happened.

Sincerely [a],

cohesive narrative

*This site is ad-free and eschews a) similarly duplicitous tactics, b) readers, and c) probably some other things, I guess.

Right on schedule

Posted on August 21, 2012 by Morfindelx

It’s taken me about an hour to select a background image, size the background image, crop the background image, re-crop the background image, and delete the background image after deciding that the image was unnecessary and intrusive and – I’ll say it – just fucking awful.

Please revisit in 2013 when there will be a new* background image and maybe also some words. Hopefully some words.

*It will be the same background image.